Recently I’ve discovered that I have two very different, colliding feelings when it comes to how I deal with my Cystic Fibrosis.
First is what I now call victim days. These are days where I feel as though my CF is a very significant, key player in my life. When I am experiencing a victim day, I usually feel “woe is me” type feelings. These are also normally days where I am not feeling well.
The second is what we’ll call good days, or days when I feel my CF is not a significant factor in my life and I am able to move past the victim stage. These are normally the best days, because I feel positive about life and about my diagnosis. Thankfully, most days are like this. I normally feel very well during these times; healthy and able to function.
I’ve been reflecting lately on these two very different feelings. I have to say, I am a little disappointed in myself, because I feel as though I need to be thankful even on those bad days when I feel like there’s a tornado in my stomach trying to take me out. Life is too short for me to feel victimized about something I cannot control. I cannot change the fact that I have CF. I can, however, do my best to keep myself healthy. I am in control of my behavior and my attitude. Life’s too short to have a ‘tude. There are also unfortunately many people who have worse situations than me, whether it’s another form of CF or cancer, or even people in situations of poverty.
I am also proud of myself, because I am able to notice when I have bad days and change my outlook. I have also been taking good care of myself by running 3 or 4 miles a day, taking my medications and eating healthy. I try to be a positive person and attempt to help people whenever I can.
I have realized that it is okay to have bad days. Not all days can be great. They help us appreciate the good days. They also help us to see other people’s situations with a different lens– a new perspective that enables us to do good in the world and help the people around us.